When we talk about modern informal service, we’re generally talking about dinner served at home with guests where servants are not used. Within informal service, there is the American Style and the English Style. American style also has a unique sub-category; Ranch or Country Style. We’ll be talking here about service only, not all the general etiquette when throwing an informal dinner party.
A note: I’m going to use the terms Host and Hostess in the same traditional way that they are used in old etiquette books. Obviously, these are outdated ideas and you may have two hosts or two hostesses. You may be a host and hostess who chafe at being told that the man mixes the drinks while the woman passes the food. I concur. These are sexist and dull-minded traditions and should be thrown out unless you choose to follow them. I like to cook and my husband doesn’t like standing around like a dummy when we have people over so he has taken on the drink responsibilities. We are not traditional or old fashioned in any way, that arrangement just works for us. Do whatever works for you.
I will say this, two people are generally helpful in serving even an informal meal. I should know, I loved to throw dinner parties when I was single and doing it by yourself while maintaining a smile on your face is rough. If you have more than three guests, pick a friend to be your stand-in. Give them clear duties and if possible, let them practice. This doesn’t always have to be your significant other, nothing kills a relationship faster than asking a girl or boyfriend to be your co-host too soon.
The American Style
In the American Style there is usually a dish laid on the table when the guests arrive. This might be the appetizer, a soup or a salad. Sometimes, the host and hostess will begin the meal with cocktails and an appetizer in the form of an hors d’oeuvre or canapé in the living room. The hostess may hand pass the appetizer while the host mixes drinks for cocktails. Next they’ll head to the dinner table where the first course is on the table. If there are only three courses, the main dish may already be at the table with side dishes present and accounted for. Typically, this means the hostess will sneak away to the kitchen, put the hot meal on the table and then call the guests to dinner.
Just as likely, the hostess may bring out the main course from the kitchen once the salad or soup is done. Some hostesses may retrieve the guests dishes, dishes may be passed up to be placed on a side board or moved by each guest above their place setting out of the way. Whatever method one chooses, books advise one not to make multiple trips, so large trays are helpful if you wish to retrieve the dishes and remove them from the room. This is again where a second hand is helpful. Guest should not be asked to take their plates to the kitchen, so having a second pair of hands to remove the dishes makes things move efficiently.
Guest should not offer to take plates to the kitchen and should definitely not try to do so without prompting. You don’t know what state the kitchen is in! Allow the hostess to keep a little mystery.
During the meal, the host will get up occasionally and top up guests glasses with wine, (or whatever the drink of the night is). Water and drinks such as iced tea, should be in pitchers on the table for the guests to help themselves. With six or more guests, have pitchers at both ends of the table, so no one has to reach too far to retrieve the water.
At the end of the meal, the hostess might retrieve dessert from the kitchen, cut slices of cake or scoop up servings of cobbler at the table and then pass them down the table, but that is about it.
The English Style
“Family Service is a style that has evolved in servant less homes. The first course in on the table when guests are seated, or is served I the living room. Serving may be done English style, in which the host and hostess serve the food from their places. The host usually serves the meat, potatoes and vegetable. The hostess serves salad, dessert and beverage.”
Food For Your Family, 1950
That sums it up pretty well. In the English style the host and hostess serve the major portion of the meal themself, serving their guests and passing plates down the line.
Ranch or Country Style
This is the least formal of guest dinners. Dishes are placed on the table and guests are encouraged to help themselves or pass dishes to others at the table. This is what most people would think of as an informal dinner today. When it comes to setting this table, here’s where you see the colorful and casual entertaining we’re all familiar with.
There are still some rules that a good host and guest should follow. Guests should still pass dishes clockwise around the table and never lean over the table to reach for a platter or dish. If the guest wants something out of reach, he or she should ask the person nearest the dish to pass it down. Hosts should still every now and then top up glasses, or at least offer additional drinks.
I hope we all find ourselves around the table again soon. Much love to you all.
